Editor’s Note: I first met Stef when we were living in Bali. He walked into the gym, smile radiating positive energy, and I could just tell that he was someone we should speak to. His constant smile and positive outlook on life were truly infectious. Stef guides people to find their authentic, true selves. It felt natural to ask Stef to speak on a subject he deals with so often which is fear. Prior to leaving for our around the world trip, we were caught in a cycle of fear. Fear of what others would think, fear of a loss of identity, and fear of a loss of security. What we learned was that the other side of fear is fantastic. I hope you enjoy this article by Stef regarding how you can take a clear path of action on fear. If you’re asking yourself, “how do I find my true self?,” then read on, roamers.
I often reflect on what role fear symbolizes in our lives. I wonder how fear serves our capacity to grow, to be, to love, to feel, to understand, to express our truth and authentic selves and to expand our consciousness. How does fear play a role in our own personal journey? Deep questions, I know, but what is the fullness of life with out swimming in the deep end of the human consciousness? Are you thinking of quitting your job to start a business of your own? Are you itching to travel the world, but are scared of a loss of security?
Besides the obvious, fear being an inbuilt survival mechanism embedded within the human bio-psycho organism which keeps us alive, I wanted to sincerely understand what purpose fear serves in today’s sociocultural world? Why do so many of us not live life fully and not jump deeply into what is most important to us in life? Why do we stay in relationships we’re not happy in or why do we stay in jobs that don’t fulfill us? Do we even know what is most important to us in life? A question we will open to discourse shortly.
Safety & Habit
Fear is feedback and insight in to our lives, but too often, we let it completely control us, paralyzing us from our truth. When we allow fear to control our lives, it actually inhibits the expression of our authentic selves – it limits the ability to discover our purpose.
Too often in life, we live in accordance with other’s values, social norms, familial expectations and a multitude of fears, such as fears of:
- Being ridiculed
- Choosing the wrong path
- Not trusting our choices
- ‘Going against the grain’
Being Courageous, Being Aware
What would your life look like if you lived fully from a place of courage, intent and such deep awareness of self that life had clear meaning and purpose? When we are ‘stuck’ in fear, we are in a constricted state of being, closed off to opportunity. We do not view taking risks as expanding our minds or opening our lives to opportunities but rather view risks as adverse and dangerous. How do we break this often intergenerational and societal habit of remaining in a state of fear?
Awareness is the primary thought process that takes place on the road to leading a life of courage. We must be aware of a number of elements of life. The first being self. Evaluating our behaviors, our upbringing, what do we want from life; what is my why; my purpose, my dreams, my highest aspirations; how can I be of service to my own growth, my own soul’s journey; and what is most important to me in life right now? When we can get very clear on these questions and answer them with transparency, integrity, congruency and authenticity we are moving towards a higher state of consciousness moving away from fear and stepping in to courage. Our mental exposure to these very real and well-aligned concepts will provide us with a strong foundation for moving in to the next phase of transformation, action…
The Path Of Action
Taking action is paramount to breaking the fear cycle. Our actions will be aligned with what is most important to us in life (our highest values). This means taking small action away from fear and into courage. Begin to break small habits:
- take different routes to your favorite regularly visited places
- speak differently
- learn a new skill
- break up your week differently
- expose yourself to new experiences that go against YOUR norm.
Simple? Yes, but so effective. We must expose ourselves in stages to this new version of self, then can we leap greater in to the unknown.
Something I suggest we all do in life is travel and definitely travel alone. As a side note, we are never alone, when we are comfortable and connected to the truest essence of who we are, our own mind-heart connection is our own greatest companion. Traveling expands our awareness of the Earth and of ourselves. Travel makes you open to meeting new people, submersion, immersion and convergence of varying cultures, sensory delights, behaviors, customs and new scenery, all of which force us to step in to the power of our own autonomy and infinite capacity to simply be.
Travel = diversity = adaptability = greater certainty in self = convergence of varied cultures and ultimately an expression of our highest self.
We either learn to express love and courage in times of challenge or we slip back in to a fearful, defensive and aggressive posture. If we follow the first step of awareness, we increase the likelihood of remaining in a posture of love, rather than fear. The more we are courageous, the greater this becomes a natural part of our existence and the more we view fear as great teacher and of value, not a necessary and perpetual state of being that is a ‘normal and permanent’ part of life.
To explore your true and authentic self, finish off the questions… If I dream of? Speak to? Think often? Read about? Surround myself with? Become excited about? Connect with? Write about? Daydream about? Immerse myself in? If you can accurately and clearly fill in the gaps and there is some form of recognizable pattern, that is a good sign that all of that inspires the chasms of your being is known to you. These answers tell you that you simply need to your own authenticity. Only fear is holding you back from living the life you want. Explore the world fully, openly, in an authentic posture and with a child-like approach, but first know your inner self with love and truth. It is here in this place that fear shall dissipate and your authentic self will shine with courage. Many blessings on your journey.
For more information on Stef and his coaching, click here.
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